Missionaries of the Sacred

One Monday morning, in the fall of 1991, I was asked this question: “Would the Missionaries of the Sacred Heart (MSC) be willing to give a retreat to the unemployed?”  Don Gramer, who asked the question, wanted Bishop Lane Retreat Center in Rockford, IL, where he was the director, and the MSC to work together in sponsoring this retreat.  He hoped it could be offered free of charge to unemployed men and women and their spouses.

My answer was an emphatic “Yes!”  I immediately asked the members of our local MSC community to volunteer to participate in this unique retreat.  Two responded (Fr. Raymond Diesbourg and Fr. Ronald Leinen) and the three of us formed the MSC part of the team.  Don Gramer and his wife Lori also became part of the team.

We realized right away the fact that we were all employed.  Employed people speaking to the unemployed would be like having the “haves” speak to the “have-nots”.  So we asked Don to invite some lay people who were either unemployed or had been unemployed at some time in their lives.  These people were invited to witness to their life of unemployment: What their unemployed life was like, what happened, what they are like now; their experience, strength, and hope.

We three MSC started the work of designing the retreat.  What message did we have to share with people who were suffering the pain of unemployment?  Each of us MSC has our own unique background and ministry experience.  I work in the healing ministry, so it was natural for me to share how one event in life, like unemployment, can painfully affect all other areas of life.  People need to grieve over the loss of a job and let go of the emotional and spiritual effects of being unemployed.  I would end the retreat with a presentation on the choices people can make to move on with life, and what kind of people they need to travel with on their life’s journey.

Fr. Ray had worked with people whose lives were in crisis or transition and who felt like a failure.  He would speak about personal and societal values and on how a time of crisis forces us all to REVALUE.  He would also speak about Catholic Social Teaching on Work.  His last presentation would be on failure.  According to worldly wisdom, Jesus was the greatest of all failures.  Maybe failure and success are both illusions.

Fr. Ron had a lot of experience in many kinds of hospital ministry and individual counseling.  He offered to speak on self-worth and Catholic Social Teaching on Human Dignity.  Ron was particularly sensitive to people whose lives were out of control and who felt powerless.  He deeply understood the spirituality that guides everyday life.  He would offer a presentation on “Walking With Jesus.”

Even though we knew our messages were Christ-centered, reflected Church teaching and were based on a solid understanding of human nature, we knew we were not ready yet to communicate with the unemployed.  First we needed to hear from people who would be making the retreat.  There is a principle we use in retreat ministry: prepare ten times more material than you will need, listen to the retreatants, and let God draw out of you what He knows you should say.

The most important preparation for the retreat happened during the retreat.  We started the retreat with prayer to raise our conscious contact with God so that all of us, participants and presenters alike, might listen to God speaking in whatever way He might choose to speak.

Next we began our listening process with a well-designed ice breaker.  That lasted about five minutes.  Then one of the participants stood up and proclaimed to all why he had come and what he expected from the retreat.  He was hurt and angry, probably angry at God.  Person after person got up then and expressed their feelings, fears and confusion.  These were spiritual crises and not just employment crises.  I am not saying that all of the participants were blaming God for their loss of employment.  Most did not see God as the problem but most felt that they needed God as the major part of their solution.  We had a spiritual issue!

In order to communicate the spiritual message, it needs to be expressed in the context of a real understanding of human nature, and how our culture profoundly influences the way we think, feel, and act, often in unhealthy ways.  We were reminded of St. Thomas Aquinas’ teaching that Grace builds on nature.  Maybe, following the belief of Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM, spirituality is more a matter of subtraction than it is of addition.  In other words, what do we need to let go of in order to be open enough to hear God’s message of love, life and the pursuit of real happiness?

The truth of the matter is, people won’t even look at their beliefs and values as long as their lives seem to be going smoothly.  It is at times of crisis, like unemployment, that people are forced to question themselves and the culture they live in.  If the crisis of unemployment happens during the middle age transition, people may be inclined to question all their beliefs and all the values society forces on us.  As they begin to question these beliefs and values, they will recognize what they need to let go of, what needs replacing in their lives.  This may require a major shift in their lives.

Here are three examples of people who needed this major shift.  On the first retreat, a man we will call George had been making quite a large salary before his unemployment, $300,000 a year.  George expected that he would eventually get another job with an equal or higher salary.  He was well educated and very talented in his field of engineering.  However, not only was his job phased out, but his area of expertise was no longer needed in his profession.  He had to face the reality that he would not find another job with a salary anywhere near to what he had before.  George would become unemployed and underemployed.  His family’s life style had to change radically.  His teenagers were angry and felt cheated.  They did not want change!  What would their friends think?

This shift was more that learning-to-live-with-less; it was a shift in George’s basic beliefs about happiness, success and what was really important to his family.  On this retreat George recognized his need to grieve over his lost life-style.  He recognized that his family, especially his teenagers, needed to grieve over their losses.  George’s wife, Sally, was more than ready to let go of George’s success because this had kept him away from the family.  George and Sally decided that their family life was more important than their big house, extra cars and their membership in the local country club.  They hungered for family unity and spiritual values.  I don’t know how they are now.  I hope and pray they have made their major shift; anything less will never work!

Then there was a single woman on the second retreat – I will call her Helen.  She lost her job and was out of work for two years.  Helen had saved enough money to live on, but with the loss of her job, she lost her self-worth and her friends.  Let me explain: Helen believed she was worthwhile because of her work, her contribution to life.  No Work, no Worth.  Most of Helen’s friends were people she worked with, so when she left her employment, she lost that everyday contact with them and eventually with most of her friends.

During this retreat and others afterwards, Helen began to recognize that her worth came from her spiritual foundation.  Because Helen could recognize God’s faithful and unconditional love for her, she could feel lovable.  Helen has accepted herself because of who she is, not because of what she does.  She developed some very good friends.  Helen chose to be a friend and reach out to people.  Helen has a whole new spiritual way of looking at things and is very helpful.  Oh yes, Helen has a job now in a smaller company, the kind of place where she had always wanted to work.

Finally, there was Bob.  He lost his job because the company he worked for went out of business.  No fault of his!  Bob felt like a failure and had no energy to go out and look for another job.  Everyone on the retreat told Bob that he wasn’t a failure but that wasn’t going to change Bob’s feeling.  Finally I asked Bob what his last job reminded him of.  He told me about his life at the age of twelve.  His father had died.  Bob was told by his uncles and aunts that he, Bob, was now the “father” of his family.  Sure enough, Bob failed at being a twelve year old father of a family and he felt like a failure in everything he did.  When Bob lost his job, his pattern of feeling like a failure re-surfaced and possessed him.  Unemployment was not his root hurt; feeling like a failure was.  The retreat sure helped Bob, especially Fr. Ray’s talk.

I believe the most powerful source of God’s grace was seen in the lay witnesses who shared their experience, strength and hope.  These lay witnesses were able to communicate a special kind of compassion because “they had been there”.  The participants experienced Jesus’ compassion through the lay witnesses and each other.  In the mutuality of the retreat, the participants still meet with each other and have helped each other get jobs. Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am with them.”

When someone is unemployed, getting another job may not be the most important thing that needs to happen.  The time of unemployment is a good time to review basic beliefs and personal values.  What is really important in my life?  What am I living for and what am I dying for?  Is the way I have been living what I want for the rest of my life?  What am I powerless over?  What can I change?  To what degree am I being sold an unhealthy bill of goods by an addictive culture?

Spirituality?  Everyone has some kind of spirituality, healthy or not.  Spirituality included all our core beliefs about God, ourselves and others; how we relate to all of reality, especially the Divine reality of God.  Spirituality determines how we think, feel and act.  When our spirituality is Christ-centered, this will shape the way each of us defines work, happiness, and success in a way that is life-giving.  We, the Missionaries of the Sacred Heart, offer our gift of the Spirituality of the Heart as such a way of life.

Peter E. Campbell, MSC